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Letters From The Outside (1/?)

Title: Letters From The Outside
Author: <lj user="ieattricky"/>
Rating: PG
Gabe/William Ryan/Brendon (future Brendon/Gerard Gerard/Frank)
When not as a letter, Brendon and William. Um. You'll see.
William and Gabe have recently been discharged from an institute for troubled kids. Ryan and Brendon are still in. Shit goes down.
Disclaimer: I do not own these precious, angsty boys.
I need a beta actually. Anyone?
Author Notes:  Don't read if you don't like cutting, blood, anorexia, bulimia, cuteness, stupidity, Brendon Urie and angsty angst. (Also totally stolen from my deviantART, so there we go.)


Hey, how’s life on the inside?

Hope your treatment is going well and all that, I want to see you out next. Bring Brendon, he’s not safe on his own, do the nurses still give him sugar? Cos that’s not safe.


Gabe is living with me at the moment. My mum loves him, but has hidden all the razors. When he found out he got really upset and went into one of his depressive moods. Y’know the ones he used to get when he was in Betelgeuse? Where it looks like a dark cloud has gone over his head? Yeah, those ones.

So mum went into this massive panic and shoved me out of my room so they could talk. Gabe’s better now and mum doesn’t hide the razors. Gabe wouldn’t tell me what she said, but I’m glad it helped.

Sometimes I love my mum so much it hurts. I just feel so guilty for bringing her into my illness. I know you live with your dad, but do you feel the same? Does your dad even mention your bulimia or your cutting? Mine doesn’t. He finds it better to speak to me know I think. Now that I weigh more.

104 pounds if you’re wondering. Which you were.

How much do you weigh?

No wait, never mind. Don’t tell me. This isn’t a competition anymore.

I’m going to beat this for my mum who tries so hard, my dad who cares so much and Gabe, who loves me too much. It’s painful sometimes y’know? I can’t give him back the amount of love that he’s giving me, I’m incapable of it. Have you noticed that? That you’ve distanced yourself from people for so long, that you don’t really know how to react around them.

It hurts my heart when Gabe tries to hold my hand in public, and I don’t want to. The look on his face hurts.

What about you and Brendon? Still together? You’re really nice as a couple, Brendon kinda balances out your…darkness with his light. When he’s not going all bipolar on your ass I mean. Stay with him okay? Love helps you beat stuff.

As for me, it’s hard. Mum doesn’t give me lots of fatty foods, she knows from experience that I will not eat it. But she gives me lots of food. It’s horrible.

But I’m coping.


Gabe says hi to you and Brendon. Hah he’s dancing. Bless him.

Anyway, I have a Gabe to kiss.






How’s life on the inside? Shall I tell how life is on the inside? Fucking awful, that’s how it is.

I hate this place. Why do they stick a load of troubled kids in with each other and try and make us well again? How is that helpful? They’re just separating us from society more and more. If we were allowed out, we’d at least have people to interact with. And the kids here are completely gone, take Hayley for instance, she’s got worse, she never fucking comes out of her room, and I’m sure if they let her see her parents, she’d get loads better. But no, just another stupid rule.

I’m bored of their lies, bored of their stupidity and bored of the conformity of this place

And that’s how I feel.

I’m not getting out anytime soon Bill, so don’t get your hopes up. Brendon…Brendon is showing no signs of improvement, but he’s got no worse…he’s just Brendon.

Honestly, I think I’d be dead already if it wasn’t for him.

I’m honestly glad Gabe is getting along so well, you too. I like seeing people win over their illnesses, even if I can’t.

My dad is complicated. Most of the time he’s wasted, and when he’s not wasted, he doesn’t like to see me. I think it upsets him to see me like this, knowing it’s his fault.

That’s a lot. But I say that in a good way. I know you don’t want to know, but I weigh 88 pounds and dropping. I’m getting a little desperate now, the doctors say my heart could stop at any time, and that putting me into hospital is futile. But. I. Can’t. Stop. Throwing. Up.

Even if I drink something like black coffee, which has no calories in it, I have to puke it up.

I’m dying and it scares me.

Brendon and I are still together, it’s weird that I should find the person I need to be with my whole life, if my life could end next Tuesday. It’s putting a weight on Brendon’s shoulders, I can see it. He never lets anyone in, what you see is what you get with Brendon, but I can see how I’m breaking him.

I’m glad you're coping, and I’m glad Gabe is happy.

I have a Brendon to kiss.




Nov. 28th, 2010 10:45 am (UTC)
Hell yes! :D

Yeah, even though being emo is a bit hard when you have a Brendon, but hey. He works it.
It's my guilty pleasure XD

Aaand I will ;D

(sorry about the late reply haha /lame)


patrick stump
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